On Sunday, November 22, Liam turns 13. This magnificent creature that I have the honor to mother is passing from boyhood into adolescence and manhood.

So many of us now are hybrids. In between. With that comes freedom. But also the loss of a sense of connection to something bigger and that can contain us in a comforting way. Like a parent’s embrace. The rituals that marked passage and grounded and gathered communities are fading away. I believe that acknowledging and celebrating the milestones in our lives is important and can help us transition and accept change. The public aspect matters — bringing together witnesses and supporters.

I’ve not been so good about organizing a bar mitzvah. Plus somehow it did not seem to fit — we’re not religious and it only speaks to part of his identity. It’s on the back burner. So my gift for Liam is the creation of a ritual. A rite of passage befitting a French-Canadian/Israeli/American boy. Here’s how it goes:

• Everyone selects a book that has deep significance for them and that they want to share with someone who is beginning their transition into adulthood. Any book. It does not have to be new (maybe better if it’s not). It can be complicated or obscure. Whatever. You decide.
• Inside the cover of the book each person writes an explanation of why the book was significant for them and why they chose to give it. And, of course, their name and the date.
• We all come together to celebrate. People in turn present their gift to Liam, explaining why they selected the book.
• Liam has a chance to speak if he likes.
• Food, drink, revelry, ridiculousness.

Books, learning, ideas, debate, and sharing are deeply important to me. They have formed me. I hope this ritual creates a special library that Liam can bump up against and dig through for years to come. A place to discover: fingers over covers and pages, smell, the curves of the letters, the wor(l)ds within. I also hope that Liam has the sense of being guided — that others took the time to share something intimate and meaningful to his journey.

I’ve told Liam it’s a big surprise. Now I find out if he reads my blog ;)